Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece is precious Rougned Odor Rangers Jersey , whether it's a photo or quote from the orphanage staff. LifeBooks help put all the information pieces together in a way that helps your child make sense of, and ultimately feel good, about hisher history.
People often ask me, ?What is a LifeBook?? I will respond Nolan Ryan Rangers Jersey , ?It's the best gift you can ever give an adopted child.? A LifeBook is a record of an adoptee's life that uses words, photos, your child's artwork, computer graphics Adrian Beltre Rangers Jersey , and memorabilia.?
But it's more than a life story. It is a unique opportunity for parents to honor every minute of their child's life. A LifeBook is an adoption security blanket. It makes talking about adoption feel like everyday conversation. Putting your child's life story on paper is such a simple concept. Who would have guessed that the benefits are countless?
?'my daughter's LifeBook only brought us closer and increased her trust in me?? Mary McGuire, adoptive mom of seven- year-old Cassie, adopted from China
Yes, the concept is simple. Is a LifeBook therefore easy to write? Maybe--maybe not.
The stories and photos abound once a child enters hisher family. (How many boxes of pictures do you have stored away?) But that's not the child's beginning. Imagine a picture of someone that gets cut off at the knees. This is what it feels like not to have or to discuss your history. Adoptees end up with a floating or numb sensation with no roots to attach to.
I should know. I spent my first five months in foster care before being adopted. I listened carefully to the silences around adoption during my childhood.
Some families are reluctant to consider a LifeBook. ? We have no information-- how can we write when we know nothing?? There are now a number of creative ways to work with little or no information. Ironically Ivan Rodriguez Rangers Jersey , it becomes even more critical for the child with little biographical data to have a LifeBook. Just because a child doesn't talk about ?it? doesn't mean she isn't thinking about the other parts of hisher life. Often it's that pre-photo period, which adoptees crave to know more about.
It's that sense of missing pieces that can affect attachment or concentration for adopted children. LifeBooks can fill in the missing pieces with words, artwork, and photos Edinson Volquez Youth Jersey , if available. The words will create pictures when none exist.
?. my Mother is a social worker who now uses LifeBooks in her work. I wish LifeBooks were available 22 years ago'maybe I wouldn't have so many unanswered questions?Kate age 22, adult adoptee from Colombia, herself a new social worker.
Adopted children often have secret thoughts about why they were adopted. Many believe that somehow they are responsible for the separation from their birth family. At the age of six I decided that my birth parents died in a plane crash in Africa. I didn't tell a soul. Then I changed the story. It was always death. It's the power of magical thinking.
LifeBooks help reduce magical thinking and fantasy. They free up an adoptee to pay better attention in school. Or to be more available to focus on talents and interests. Better for a child to be out playing soccer or painting a picture than to be fantasizing endlessly about ?what happened.?
If your child comes from another country, be aware that it's important to discuss the country's conditions andor rules for adoptions. Often this is the only explanation a child has as to why she was placed. LifeBooks are the ultimate teaching tool and they can save hours of therapy later in life.
Remind your children of the ways they are connected to their adoptive family Nomar Mazara Youth Jersey , despite not looking like you. This may be in the form of similar voice patterns, talents, food choices or interests. It took me 45 years to figure out that I got my dry sense of humor from my adoptive father. (OK, so I was a little slow) Never assume that your child doesn't want to be reminded of these connections often. They bear repeating.
In hisher story Shin-Soo Choo Youth Jersey , make your child the star and celebrate both their resiliency and survival.
?. Sara's Story?What better way to welcome her than by preparing and preserving her history with a LifeBook??Mimi Robins, adoptive grandmother of 4 year-old-old Sara, from China
Help your children to feel proud of their own strengths and the strengths of their birth parents. As Corinne Rayburn, LCSW Delino DeShields Youth Jersey , LMFT says, ? birth families are like in laws?you didn't pick them but have to [accept] them.? If you don't have any information, then look to your child's talents and wonder if perhaps they got their artistic talents from that unknown birth father.
The ?birthparent page? of a LifeBook really helps out with those tough adolescent years when identity issues begin to peak. The more your child knows, the more that she will feel 'real.?
Some would argue ?Our family is very open and always talks about adoption Russell Wilson Youth Jersey , so why write it down?? Because a book that you and your child can pick up and hold, gives the adoptee control over hisher own story. A child can look at it when the urge hits, without having to ask. It becomes symbolic for adoption discussion.
? Mama read me my LifeBook.? Or ?Where's my LifeBook, I want to show it to my friend??. The older a child gets Elvis Andrus Youth Jersey , the more tools a family needs to communicate on adoption issues.
If you are starting to think that LifeBooks are very powerful, you may be wondering where to begin. Here are a few suggestions from Dr. Vera Fahlberg, national adoption expert:
? start with the child's birth
? always discuss the birth mother and birth father( even if you know nothing say that you don't know)
? talk about the reason for separation from the biological family
I like to include the original birth certificate (if available). This official record always fascinates children of any age. Court papers or official records will suffice if no birth